Fear

I found this picture of Eli learning to stand...he was scared. He pulled up and liked it...and was afraid of falling. And he fell. Scary as it was he stood up again. He had to. It was so he could go on. Sometimes he falls but it doesn't scare him anymore. Because he only falls if he is not watching where he is going.

That lesson that I watched in all of my children is a sermon to me now. A few weeks ago I was shooting my best friends wedding. During the wedding my lips started going numb. At the reception I almost choked on cake. A couple of days later the numbness spread in my face and to my right leg. Not really afraid but concerned I went to a doctor...the next several days, weeks became scary. The first doctor thought it was a stroke. The next three doctors said it looked like textbook Multiple Sclerosis. Tests proved them right.

I believe all things happen for a reason...a purpose. I have tried not to ask why me and allow bitterness to live in me.

I dont have a treatment plan as of yet. I do worry. I try not to cry even when others cry while asking me about it. Mainly I cry in my pillow and the shower. My mantra is to proceed Aware not Afraid.

Being afraid will not help anything.

I have practiced in the mirro saying "I have MS,"  because I have to be able to say it fearless for others.  But when I say it I end it with a comma.  Because in my heart I finish the statement with "MS does not have me."